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Five agreements between my partner and I that has kept our relationship strong for 18 years and counting



There is a ton of science behind why some relationships thrive while others fall apart. 


But when it comes down to it, we don't need to understand the science. We need to have the rituals in place to support what the science explains. 


My partner and I have been together for 18 years and counting. And we have not thrived in all of it. 


It's been incredibly hard at times.


We have fought.

We've been convinced we didn't hold any influence over the other person.

We've felt unheard, unseen, undervalued.

We've felt criticized and unappreciated. 


And while those thoughts still come up at times, they are rare. Nowadays we are more likely to get annoyed with the kids because they just cannot let us steal kisses or long embraces without wiggling their little bodies between us. It's sweet. 


There are a few agreements we've found NEED to be in place for us to thrive in this partnership, and I want to share them with you.


 Keep in mind, these are not things you can implement without sacrifice. We sacrifice pride, letting our past traumas speak, and sometimes even what we want in order to keep these agreements. 


But the relationship we have is worth all those sacrifices. 


1. Talk about it: No matter how small, if there is a hurt or insecurity one of us is holding that we can't regulate through, we talk about it within 24 hours. No exceptions.


2. Daily connection: Regardless of how busy our days are, we will give something up to make space for a 20 minute conversation to check-in with our undivided attention. Maybe dinner gets onto the table a little late, maybe we don't get as much sleep as we'd like. The relationship comes first.


3. Kiss: There was a time that we didn't do this, and we found we'd go weeks without more than a little peck here or there. But forplay starts at the beginning of the week, not on date night. Kissing regularly and intentionally keeps passion strong. And as a bonus, it's hard to stay annoyed when your partner is sharing themselves intimately and sweetly.


4. Take each other seriously: If it's important to him, it's important to me and vice versa. we all have those issues our partner brings up that seem petty, or topics we are just not really that interested in. We take each others concerns seriously, and find curiosity (or at least endearment) when they go on and on about that thing we don't really care about.


5. Safety: No matter how hard it is, we do not scoff or shame each other. Trust is built on safety, and without trust, there can be no vulnerability, and without vulnerability there can be no intimacy. 


Perhaps you and your partner already do these things. Perhaps you have no idea how to start. I know it feels complex to make changes like this when you're in the middle of it. That's why I'm here.


Grow into the relationship you long for. Gain influence, let go of anger, and build something equitable, respectful and passionate in the process.


Feel adored, heard, appreciated, valued...Every day. 


It won't take years. Just a few weeks.


Are you ready?

Schedule a strategy call and I will help you and your partner figure out the path that leads to a life of deep, authentic connection, where fights are about connecting, not winning.



Your relationship cheerleader,

Linnea


P.S.


I know some couples don't need a third person to help them. You are the experts of you, after all. That's why I've created my Couples Journal + Habit Tracker. Use the power of psychology to help you build new relationship habits to give and get the love you long for, with only $17 and 5 minutes a night.


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Teaching partners how to release their anger NOT their standards, and how to take responsibility while gaining influence 
Get the respect-filled, equitable partnership full of passion and play you WANT to live in: https://www.couplesconnectioncoaching.com

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