After my partner and I realized we NEEDED to figure our 💩 out or lose our marriage, we came up with some non-negotiables.
We found these by asking ourselves, "how would I treat a good friend in a difficult situation? How would I expect to be treated?"
The truth is, we often treat our friends differently than our partner. We see our partner an extension of ourselves, and, let's face it: most of us don't treat ourselves with the respect and compassion we deserve.
No matter how small the hurt, if it's lingering, talk about it. This doesn't mean we bring EVERY issue we have to each other. Every person is in charge of their own emotional regulation. HOWEVER, regardless of how irrational it is, if one of us is struggling to let go, we bring it up within 24 hours.
Whether we agree or not, we take each others concerns seriously. It is only safe to bring something up to each other if we can trust our partner to meet our vulnerability with gentleness. "If it matters to you, it matters to me" is the mentality.
Regardless of how busy the day has been, connection comes first. This means we SACRIFICE other things to make space for the relationship. Sometimes we sacrifice a few minutes of sleep, sometimes we say "no" to the outing with a friend, sometimes we leave work undone. If we want to make our partnership last, it needs to be a priority.
In the very first session I have with couples within my 12 week Conflict to Connection coaching program, I overhaul a couple's daily and weekly rituals of connection. We look at the subconscious "agreements" they have made with their use of their time and energy, and restructure it to make the relationship a priority.
What agreements do you have with your partner? What agreements did you see in your family growing up that did or did not work well? I'd love to know!
With deepest respect,
p.s. did you read the above prompt? Take a moment to think about it! Relationships aren't built on grand gestures; they are built on small things done often. Take a moment to reflect. Your relationship will thank you. 💚
Teaching partners how to release their anger
NOT their standards
and how to take responsibility while gaining influence
Get the respect-filled, equitable partnership full of passion and play
that you WANT to live in: