We are SO GOOD at seeing the negative in our partner and telling them about it. And for good reason! Our brains evolved to actively look for the negative, while discounting the positive.
Did you know that our brains sneaky habit of fixating on the negative is a built-in safety mechanism called the negativity bias? This can be protective mechanism for unsafe environments, but it can also HARM safe partnerships.
Our brain evolved to REMEMBER the negatives it picks up on so easily.
It holds on TIGHT to that thing you said to the colleague you're trying to impress or that thing your partner did last night.
No wonder we experience so much anxiety, shame, or anger (fight response!) when we encounter these "negatives". It's not about the reality of what is happening, it's about our brain genuinely thinking it is keeping us SAFE.
So how do we overcome this innate biology that literally led to our survival as a species?
Combatting negativity bias takes actively noticing 5 positives for every 1 negative your brain latches onto. Research shows when we shift this ratio, our relationships thrive, but when we let it go unchecked, they flounder.
Transformation can be tedious and slow feeling, and with an exercise as simple as this, it can be tempting to just skip it. It feels like it's not that big of a shift, and so won't really lead to a big shift.
But it is SO IMPORTANT.
True partnerships are made up of the small things, done daily. Try this: notice one thing today that your partner did RIGHT.
If you get in the habit of doing this exercise every single day, you will see BIG shifts in turning your relationship into a peaceful partnership full of passion and play.
Wishing you a thriving partnership,