Every little thing he did would set me off. Until I realized this:
It wasn't anger. Yes, I felt annoyed, yes it came out of my mouth as frustration, yes I would stonewall or roll my eyes...but it wasn't anger.
It was fear, hiding behind the hard wall of anger to protect it.
I was afraid that the things I was bringing to the table wouldn't be taken seriously without the anger to make sure he knew how serious it was.
Can you relate?? It makes sense, in a world that often discounts the voices of women. And what do people do when they don't feel heard?
They yell. They get loud and big. They get angry.
But the thing I was forgetting?
My partner is not "the world." in fact, he and I get to create our world, our reality. And that realization, changed EVERYTHING.
Because when I realized WE CREATE our world together, that it isn't me against him, but he and I against the world and the systems of oppression within it...I realized I can just express my fear.
And more often than not, when I say, "this matters" he responds with, "then it matters to me too".
I have spent years honing my systems for couples. My 12 week coaching program will teach women how to release your anger, not your standards, and teaching men how to accept responsibility, while gaining influence. If your curious what you get, check out the details here: https://www.couplesconnectioncoaching.com
But I also have resources I have spent years honing as a therapist, and in my own personal relationship. I know that couples work isn't attainable for everyone, but relationship health IS mental health. You deserve resources and care.
Get my 5 minute a night system I have worked hard to make accessible for couples with busy lives, who want to make the changes for a playful, passionate, equitable, respect-filled partnership: https://go.couplesconnectioncoaching.com/magicsystem
Wishing you warmth and light,