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If you're doing this (common) thing, you're sabotaging your relationship. Here's what to do instead

When you argue, are you arguing to understand? To work it out?

Or, like most of us, are you arguing to WIN?

Here's a hard truth:

If one of you is winning, both of you are losing.

So STOP trying to win and start living in the relationship you WANT.


Instead of arguing to win, try this:

1. Listen to understand, not to respond

2. Speak with the intention to help your partner understand you. Assume they WANT to work with you, not against you.

3. Remember this is someone you love (or at the very least someone you like and have to live with)

4. Lastly, if you're just going in circles, remember agreeing isn't the most important thing. The relationship is. I bet you've had this same argument a hundred times. Trust it will still be there, and go ahead and lean into this human you love for now instead.

I know it feels complex when you're in the middle of it. That's why I'm here.

Grow into the relationship you long for. Gain influence, let go of anger, and build something equitable, respectful and passionate in the process.

It won't take years. Just a few weeks.

Are you ready?

Schedule a growth call and I will help you and your partner figure out the path that leads to a life of deep, authentic connection, where fights are about connecting, not winning.

Schedule a call with me here:

Your relationship cheerleader,



I know some couples don't need a third person to help them. You are the experts of you, after all. That's why I've created my Couples Journal + Habit Tracker. Use the power of psychology to help you build new relationship habits to give and get the love you long for, with only $17 and 5 minutes a night.

Sound too good to be true? It's not. It's science. And after using it with countless couples over the last decade, I can attest that it works. Check it out here:

Teaching partners how to release their anger NOT their standards, and how to take responsibility while gaining influence 

Get the respect-filled, equitable partnership full of passion and play you WANT to live in:


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